Today has been quite the roller coaster ride, pulling my emotions through its ups and downs and the occasional loop. On my way into work, I watched as a young boy ran out in front of an SUV. The boy was hit, fell down, but soon after managed to get up and limp his way to the sidewalk. I immediately wrote down the plate number of the SUV and called 911 on my cell phone. The dispatcher told me he would transfer me to New London's dispatch and I was put on hold but never transferred. The lady pulled her vehicle to the side of the road, got out, and appeared to be in shock. She was on her cell phone, so I figured that she was also calling 911. I waited for the police to arrive (and ambulance, and rescue truck), gave my statement, and drove the last couple of miles to work. I was very calm about the whole situation, but at some point between me getting out of my car, and me walking up the stairs to work (because the evelator was broken) I became panicked.

You see, in the days leading up to this event I had been questioning my humanity. There are people, who when they talk to you, make you feel like they actually care about you. They'll ask you about your family, any women in your life, or even you dog. I am not one of those people. Lately the only emotion I have really felt has been irritation. It was such a constant stream of irritance that I began to wonder if I really even had any other emotions, if I was even human. Now here I was, panicked, about the well-being of someone I didn't even know. I couldn't control it, but I pressed on to work. I sat at my desk, logged onto my computer, and stared. And stared, and stared, and stared... I couldn't think. I had tried to read an email from the company's CTO, but I just couldn't focus. I sent an email to my bosses explaining what had happened and that I wasn't dealing with it very well. They both called me and gave me permission to take the rest of the day off, so I thanked them, and left work.

I went to the Arboretum. I haven't been there since I was a kid. The Arboretum was beautiful as always. At one point during my walk, I ditched the trail I was on and wandered off into the woods. I enjoy the feeling of being in the woods, surrounded by nothing except for trees and timid squirrels. I laughed at the difference between the wildlife you find in Idaho, and the wildlife you find here in Connecticut, because the woods appeared to be completely empty. I followed a stream I found until it led me to another trail, which led me to a bog-like area. When I got there, squirrels went scattering in all directions like always, and I stood there for a moment, slowly inhaling the fresh air, while exhaling everything negative inside of me.

I stared into the woods, staring until I noticed something move about 20 feet away from me behind a group of trees. I waited and I watched, Moments later, 4 wild turkeys precariously crossed my path, looking at me and watching, the same as I was to them. As the turkeys moved further away, I heard something rustle in the leaves behind me. I slowly turned my head to look and saw a squirrel not even 3 feet away from me, staring up at me with his scared eyes. I smiled because it was at this exact moment that I was at peace with the world again.